OLDER

It's my better half's birthday next Monday and its tricky. It would be indiscrete to reveal her age but she's not feeling happy about it. Not celebrating it however, is out of the question. So the tricky bit is how and with what?

I've heard it said that you can never have too many handbags or pairs of shoes but she is close to proving the exception. Mystery clothes and jewellery still make appearances and I know I am a source of disappointment in not remembering their purchase often enough.

She's not a reader, so I'm reasonably safe writing this but by the same token, books are out. Technology is viewed with suspicion and fitfully operated with exasperation - I am her remote control - so a personal music player for audio books, whilst appealing in principle, wouldn't be so personal. Besides, she doesn't like sticking things in her ears. Whiskey or wine are always a good fallback but I tend to drink most of it. Chocolate is loved but unnecessary guilt sours it. Kitcheny stuff is too domestic and anyway, I'm the cook. Vouchers are a copout, cake is naughty.

It's Friday and I'm still undecided but when you have lived together for as long as we have, you get to a point where presenting tokens of affection should show the subtlety, understanding and nuance from our lives' journey together. Perhaps that's why I'm stumped. Getting older. That's the theme.